AmeriNZ 181 – Live chat on men and intimacy

amerinz_podcast_150x150Today’s show starts about 20 minutes into the discussion (I explain that first). Joining me for today’s Live Chat on were Steven in Wisconsin, LurryDean and Lord Byron of Illinois (who suggested today’s topic). We talked first about men and intimacy: Can gay men teach heterosexual men about non-sexual emotional intimacy with other men? Or, is it just a myth that gay men are better able to achieve it? Is the lack of emotional intimacy among men just a part of being male?

It was a wide-ranging discussion on a whole host of related issues. Toward the end, I ask about the Senate having approved the Hate Crimes Act.

These are turning into wide-ranging, round-table discussions—join us on for the next live podcast on The next live chat starts at 8pm Eastern North American time on Thursday, October 29 (1pm Friday, October 30 New Zealand time). You can also join other listeners in the chatroom, where you can ask questions or make comments as the show is streamed.

Links for this episode

Retirement Talk
Live it up! Podcast
Auto-Tune the News

Please leave a comment, ring my US Comment Line on 206-666-5172, or send an email to arthur{at]

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3 thoughts on “AmeriNZ 181 – Live chat on men and intimacy

  1. Arthur,

    You comment that the on-line world has facilitated people hooking-up (paraphrasing of course) came out sounding like it was a bad thing.

    I think Lord Byron’s initial point was that peer pressure prevented gay men from exploring relationships in a more (for lack of a better term) “Traditional” style in the past.

    The internet has made the world much smaller and to that end affords the opportunity for a lot of people to pursue getting to know each other before jumping into a relationship. I view this as a good thing, as I think the majority of your panel did.

    However, there are people who have no interest in long term relationships, or who prefer to find sexually compatible partners before entertaining an intimate relationship. For them, the internet allows them to find other like-minded folk.

    I guess my point is that we have gone from a world where one form of relationship pursuit was dominant and considered “the norm” – even though many were not comfortable with the style – to a point where many different strategies are not only viable, but acceptable.

    My fear is that those who prefer a more traditional courtship are trying to completely reverse the community’s attitude to the point that they look down on those who prefer an alternate route.

  2. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that. I was just trying to point out the many things that the online world has created (including other things, such as political organising, for that matter). The conversation quickly moved away from that, however.

    Technology has certainly made a lot of alternatives possible, and I think that’s fantastic. After all, my own relationship—and so, my entire way of life—were made possible by the online world.

    I also don’t think that there’s one “proper” approach to relationships. So, while some may want to make the communities “look down on those who prefer an alternate route,” I’m certainly not one of them.

  3. It’s amazing what you can cover in 20 “lost” minutes!
    Yes, there are a variety of modes of courtship. I happen to prefer the “getting to know you” (not carnally) approach and felt “out of it” for that approach. I was so surprised when I found others online who felt that way too.
    Chat online does do a lot for cultivating that intimacy to develop frienships or deeper relationships.
    Long distance relationships are hard to keep going but folks do it.
    Consider the number of gay folks who often maintain friendships with ex’s – and not, obviously ‘for the sake of the children.’
    It’s a complex topic not often explored and I’ve appreciated Lurry, Steven and Daniel’s comments – as well as the inimitable Arthur 🙂
    TO paraphrase Miss Wes: “Intimacy it up!”

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